Belly Up to the Bar

 By Dan Perkins
One of the great joys of drinking wine is its ability to connect people and assist in making new friends. We all know wine can break down inhibitions (often to a fault) and help make the most mousy of introverts become as gregarious as used cars salesmen. Somewhere in the middle of these extremes is the fine art of moderation, which if you travel into the wine county for a day of tasting, seems to be mostly lost these days. Here’s a true example of what I mean...

The movie “Sideways” shows a scene where Paul Giamatti takes the spit bucket, full of discarded wine, and pours it on his head because the tasting room attendant wouldn’t fill his glass. The tasting room where that scene was filmed happens to be the Andrew Murray tasting room in Los Olivos, California. I have known and followed Andrew through his career while crafting fine Rhone style wines since his early days so we visit often. A couple of years ago I noticed they started putting shredded straw in the spit buckets. Since this was new, I asked why? Answer: Ever since the movie, “Sideways,” Pinot Noir and Santa Barbara County wines became extremely popular and so elevated tourism to the area’s wineries and tasting rooms. Consequently, after some folks had visited a few and had a few they would recognize the tasting room in the movie and want to “reenact” the scene... After this occurred several times, they devised this method of keeping the wine in the spit bucket.

So, if you are so inclined to go wine tasting any time soon here are a few pointers.

1. Be respectful! Yes, the employees of the tasting room are there to serve you but don’t be like an American tourist on vacation. Be polite and understanding. Don’t muscle your way up to the bar between other guests and be aware you might be taking up too much space and keeping others from joining in the fun. A little consideration for others goes a long way when in the tasting room.

2. Don’t feel obligated to buy. They have poured you really nice wine, in fact they opened a special bottle for you to try; does that mean you have to purchase that wine or a case of it? Not really, if fact, know what to buy. Unless the winery is small (boutique = less than 3000 cases) there is a good chance you can find it locally and for less than winery retail. But some wines are only offered at the winery... know which ones and buy a couple if you like them that much and after taking them home and you still like them that much; order by phone or online. But buying chardonnay from Mondavi for $20 is silly when you can find it at any grocery store for $13... even tasting room attendants know this!

3. Feel free to share tastes. Most tasting rooms now charge a fee to taste. Some can be pricey and may include the glass as part of the fee. Because most of these wineries give generous pours just say, “We’ll share.” No problem and it’s completely acceptable! (tip: ladies please remove lipstick)

4. Drink plenty of water. Wine is a diuretic. You must drink water to offset what you’ll lose in the process. This will also help keep you from getting a headache and other hangover symptoms.

5. Know something about the wine/winery/winemaker. The people who are pouring you the wine are proud of their wine, property, tasting room, winemaker, etc. So, having a little knowledge ahead of time shows you’re interested in the same things they are. And if you try to learn something while you are there this speaks volumes of your intent for being there. Don’t be afraid to ask for a tasting sheet and pen, take notes and asks questions... This will also give the people at the winery the ever-so-slight idea that you may actually be there for something other than getting buzzed. With this new found knowledge they might actually pay you a little more attention than the guy next to you slurring his words.

6. Don’t act like you know more than the tasting room attendant. This one can be a little frustration for me... like the time the guy behind the counter kept referring to their proprietary blend (meritage) as a merh-eh-tahsz. I kept wanting to correct him... “It’s meritage as in heritage, which is a compound word merit, as in quality and heritage as in tradition!” But again this goes back to respect... the last thing you need in a tasting room is a Cliff Claven spouting off insignificant facts. Why? It’s downright annoying!

7. Don’t rush the bar at the end of the day! Walking into a tasting room at 4:55 is not like walking into the bank with a couple of minutes before closing time. If you come running into the tasting room just at closing time there’s a good chance you’ll be banned socially for life from the winery... oh, yeah they’ll take your money but also take your picture and put it in a secret book somewhere that gets around to other wineries branding you as “drinkers!” another term used for “They don’t care about our wine they only want to get drunk.” I can’t tell you how many times I would be having a nice conversation at the end of the day (and at the end of our visit because we gave ourselves enough time) with the tasting room attendant when a group of drunk, loudmouths would walk in demanding red carpet treatment. Please give yourself enough time and be respectful of other people’s time!

8. Spit and pour! You don’t realize just how much wine you can consume in a day of “tasting.” So, go ahead, take a good sized sip, swirl, trill, and spit politely into a cup or the spit bucket by picking it up and expectorating down the side (spitting in a full bucket can literally “backfire” on you.)

9. Don’t wear perfume or cologne!!! Arrgh! This is the worst. Quite frankly I want to pick up on the subtle tones of cassis and cherry coming from an $80 bottle of Cabernet not get knocked out by the overwhelming presence of your $23 bottle of Aramis.

10. Stay off the beaten path. Yes, Highway 29 is the place to go for legendary wines like Mondavi, Cakebread, Franciscan, Beringer and Heitz Cellars. But why go where everyone else goes and be treated like another head of cattle passing through the herd, when you can go to Goosecross, Havens, Pride and Miner Family, just to name a few. They’re only a couple of minutes off the main highway and you’ll experience better wines, with quieter tasting rooms with staff who enjoy the fact you’re there and the possibility of someone saying... “Hey, come on and bring your glass. We got something special in the barrel that’s tasting really nice right now!”

Cheers!